at work today, i took one of my residents to church. she doesn't have a regular church that she goes to so whenever i have to take her, we go to this little presbyterian church that is nearby. it's nice and quiet, really only a few people show up for the service, and they're mostly quite old. but they're very friendly to us.
at this church, there is a woman pastor. she looks to be in her 40s somewhere, has frizzy blond hair and a permanent smile. she has a very soothing voice. the few times i've gone there, she has made a point to come over and welcome me, probably just because i'm a newcomer. this time she said she remembered both of us, though i don't know if that was true or not. anyway the pastor had a couple of occasions to talk to me today--once when we came in, once during the 'peace be with you' thing, and once when we left. and each time she shook my hand, and held it for about 30 seconds, and looked right into my eyes. it felt like she was looking right through me. i wondered if she remembered me as the girl who came to their 'Blue Christmas' service last year and cried through the whole thing. or if she just did that to everyone, on purpose. to make them feel welcomed or something
anyway on the way home i was thinking about this pastor, and i remembered that at the first website i worked at, we had this intern guy, and one time he told me that i had a gaze like that. that he felt like when i looked at him, i was looking right into his brain.
i am so, so far removed from the person i was back then...