Am I more than you bargained for yet?

I've been dying to tell you anything you want to hear
Cause that's just who I am this week

Fall Out Boy - Sugar We're Going Down. Love this song.

Wake me up! Before you *thud* *snoooooore*

George Michael arrested in drugs probe.

Oh, George. What are you thinking? This might, explain, though, what has happened to his face over the last couple of years. It's been...tranquilized.

Dammit, Aragorn, get out of the bathroom!

I had a dream last night in which I was hanging out at the apartment of an old, old friend who I haven't seen or talked to in many years. So that in and of itself was weird. But then, I found out that Viggo Mortensen was this friend's roommate. I found this out because Viggo came into the apartment, looking rather like he did in Hidalgo, minus the cowboywear, and all I could think was...I wonder if my friend is, you know, allowed to watch the Lord of the Rings movies at home, since Viggo Mortensen is his roommate. You know, because maybe Viggo is too sensitive about watching himself. It would be sad, I concluded, if it were not allowed, because they're such good movies. I had a mental image, in my dream, of my friend and Viggo sitting on the sofa, watching Lord of the Rings together, and how weird that would be for both of them.

Hidalgo, by the way, is one of my favorite movies from the last year. You should see it, if you haven't.
(Edited to add: I realize it came out in 2004, but I just saw it last year.)

They Ain't Cowboys

Metroblogging Los Angeles: This just kills me.

i haven't yet seen the movie, but this picture is pretty funny...i think.

it's research, people

Urban Legends Reference Pages: Rumors of War (Bert Is Evil!)

i'd seen this picture years ago, but never knew it was actually true. it is indeed a wacky world.

a reintroduction

i turned thirty-three a couple weeks ago, and since then, i've been struggling to have an epiphany. i guess i feel this way every time i have a birthday, especially the ones i've had in my thirties. more than New Year's for me, a birthday seems like the time when i'm supposed to evaluate my life so far and plan for what's to come.

the only time i've actually managed to reinvent myself, that i remember, was when i turned 31. that year, i decided to start eating better and exercising, and over the subsequent 4 months i lost about 15 pounds. which, for anyone who knows me, is a big deal, as i am historically not a dieter and weight loser. but then, i met my husband and gave more and more of my time to him and less and less time to exercise, which i am not complaining about because hey, he's my husband. but i gained all that weight back and then some. bleh.

add that to about ten other ongoing stressful variables in my life and you have where i am today: too fat, too stressed, too depressed, too too unconfident in myself. despite the fact that i have this wonderful, wondrous husband and a pretty good life in general, i still hang onto the insecurities i've carried around with me for my entire life. and that's just not right, is it?

so you'd think that my resolution for my thirty-third year would be to get rid of this baggage, and i guess it is, though that is really my forever resolution, the one that i've been trying to work on for as long as i can remember. but as i was recently reminded, i'm not a teenager anymore and i don't need to hide in my bed and cry because i'm depressed. i'm a thirty-three year old woman with a husband and a household to take care of, and i need to start acting like one. every day. not just when i'm in the mood for it.

over the last week i transferred this domain to new hosting servers and as i did so, i had to decide what to do with this blog. i didn't want to leave it where it was--it needs a kick in its neglected pants, and you know, i like to move stuff around every once in a while. so last night it occurred to me: i'm going to put it at the top level. no more killingjar.org/blog/ -- now killingjar.org IS my blog. it may seem very, very silly, and i suppose it is, but i'd originally bought this domain for a very, very stupid ex-boyfriend and i to use as a sort of arty content site. because he was an asshole slacker, and i was not confident, not much ever got done with it. but i held onto that idea for years after he was out of the picture--another thing for me to feel bad about, that i never did anything arty with my website. well, no more. that's gone. i have no use for it. all that's here is this blog--and a couple of offshoot blogs for friends--and that's all this will ever be. and that's cool.

another thing that might not seem very important but to me is actually pretty significant is that i'm not using the 'bleugrrl' username anymore. that's been my online identity for about a decade (in variations...blue, bleu, bleugirl, bleugrrl, bleugrrrl...), and i've been thinking lately...i'm just not her anymore. bleugrrl was awesome, she had great hair and a sharp mind and was quick with the F word. but that's not me anymore. and i have to stop focusing on how much i'm NOT her anymore, and just get on with being who i am now. so for now, on this site, i'm just ev, the new me.

it's alive!

YO YO YO.

it's alive!

but it's moving. this blog, that is. you know i like to disappear and reappear at will every so often. keeps the mystery in life.

anyhoo anyone who wants to know where it's moving to please email bleugrrlATcomcast.net and when i get around to A)moving it and B)answering emails, i'll let you know where it is.

Ta!