Funny, But No.

'Welcome back from your coma' didn't make it: on the 20th anniversary of Hallmark's Shoebox cards.
(via deviantART)

A sample rejected card idea:

Front: "My ex-girlfriend had a cat named Love because she said that's what it gave her."

Inside: "So I called it Bloody Forearms. Hope no one gets you a cat for your birthday."

If this ghostwriting thing falls through, I think I know where I'm applying next.

Or, I want to name lipsticks. I came up with this career idea while I was working briefly in a health-and-beauty-aids store. Lipsticks have some fantastically silly names. It must be a hoot getting to think them up for a living.

It is so springy today in NJ, I just can't concentrate on my work. Sigh.

Because it's spring

it's time to trot out my favorite e.e. cummings spring poem...

spring omnipotent goddess Thou
dost stuff parks
with overgrown pimply
chevaliers and gumchewing giggly


damosels Thou dost
persuade to serenade
his lady the musical tom-cat
Thou dost inveigle


into crossing sidewalks the
unwary june-bug and the frivolous
angleworm
Thou dost hang canary birds in parlour windows


Spring slattern of seasons
you have soggy legs
and a muddy petticoat
drowsy


is your hair your
eyes are sticky with
dream and you have a sloppy body from


being brought to bed of crocuses
when you sing in your whisky voice
the grass rises on the head of the earth
and all the trees are put on edge


spring
of the excellent jostle of
thy hips
and the superior



Also this is in honor of my move to a new office at work--just around the corner from the old office--where I now have a semi-private desk next to a big window. There is a large duck pond outside--it's pretty much all I can see, besides the road into the office complex. There are several actual ducks and many aggressively stupid Canadian geese. I love them, especially when they insist on walking across the street and blocking traffic.

I have an announcement:

Beets are, perhaps, one of the best vegetables in existence.


That is all. Please go about your business.

I am so pleased!

And giddy! About these comments! Thank you to everyone who's leaving them! Yay, comments! :D

killingjarblog revisited

I'm reading old posts on my own blog, because I am that lame. But a couple of things have made me laugh:

"...went home for a while, ate some tortilla chips and salsa, watched Big Wolf on Campus ('Ghandi was not the saint you think he was! he was a notorious flirt, and a horribly messy eater!' hee hee)..."

"hm. how come when our president says 'vladimir putin' he sounds like he's about to snicker?"

"ok. The Legend of Billie Jean is on the Superstation now.
everything is ok.
*deeeeeepbreath*"

"i will post more about the trip to maine later. i have only been home since last night and i am not ready to relive the experience yet. all i can say right now is: family togetherness = sick and wrong."

"know that saying, 'denial isn't just a river in egypt'?
well, if you are in fact in denial about something...then it pretty much is just a river in egypt.
right?"


Yeah I'm going to stop being so impressed by my scathing wit now and go out to buy some beer like I've been planning to for about an hour.

*boing*

freaking amazing.

Impact Lab - Amazing 3D Sidewalk Art Photos.

My "DNA"

roll over each color section and you'll see what parts of my personality they supposedly stand for...

Reserved Thinker

Re: Comments

Apologies to anyone who left a comment and didn't see it immediately...apparently I checked a box or something recently that made it so that I had to approve all comments before they were posted. I did not realize; the couple that were waiting for me are now posted. Please, feel free to leave more! It warms my tiny heart to know that people are reading this besides me. :)

Also, confidential (ha) to the Anonymous person who noted that I've always been a supermodel to him/her: Gee, thanks! And, who are you?

Ah, exercise.

Because I spent the entire day being slothful--I didn't even change out of my nightgown until about 5 p.m., isn't that horrible?--I missed the gym today. To make up for it, I walked to Eckerd to buy some hair dye. It was a nice walk (except for The Hill on the way there...why did I think climbing a vertical surface would be good for me?). Took about an hour total, not including hair dye buying.

I used to walk around town a lot for exercise, and I forgot how enjoyable it is. Perhaps it has something to do with how I can sing along with the Wham! songs on my iPod as loudly as I please while walking around the usually empty streets...Something I can't, you know, do very comfortably at the crowded gym. Because people just don't appreciate Wham! like they used to.

Turtles are the coolest things ever.

Clive of India's tortoise dies at 250 - Yahoo! News: "KOLKATA, India (Reuters) - A giant aldabra tortoise thought to be around 250 years old has died in the Kolkata zoo of liver failure, Indian authorities said on Thursday. "

Ok, I know it's a tortoise, but whatever. You get what I mean.

Call me Agent Mulder

because I love a good conspiracy theory.

The Ground Zero Grassy Knoll - A New Generation of Conspiracy Theorists are at Work on the Secret History of 9/11 -- New York Magazine.

Interesting article. Even--what is it, four years later? I'm still fascinated by September 11th. Like I still can't believe that it happened. I remember writing something a year after it happened or something and wondering when it would not feel like it happened yesterday. I suppose that time has come and gone. Now, it feels like it happened last month.

I am ready to publicly admit

that I like Kelly Clarkson. She seems like such a nice girl, and you know, I just like some of her songs. That "Because of You" song? Yeah, ok, it makes me a little weepy sometimes.

Also, while I will not admit to liking Avril Lavigne--mostly because I don't like her, and admitting that I do would be a lie--I will say that that "Don't Tell Me" song has a good message for the young girls.

I am so, so old.

I'd like to think

that I'm better than that. I just typed out, for no particular reason, one very vitriolic post about exes and how I wish some of them would fall off the planet or "accidentally" set themselves on fire or something. But you know. I'm not going to post it right now, because there's no need. Remember, I'm trying not to be a depressed teenager anymore...So now I'm going to be responsible and do the dishes and go to the gym and blah blah blah.

Did I mention I lost 5 lbs.? Can't tell it from looking at me, but I tell you, just the knowledge of it makes me walk around like I'm some sort of supermodel.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Holy bajeezus, it's cold out again. It was like spring for the last two days--no, it was spring for the last few days. Wtf is this cold business about now? I am not pleased.

I am thinking about going to a yoga class tonight. Oh my god, the gym I go to has been SO FREAKING CROWDED lately. I've had to stand on line for 15 minutes just to get a machine, and then? I'm supposed to "limit" my workout to 30 minutes. Eff that, I say. If they want to take 50% off my monthly fee, I'll take 50% off my workout. Til then, I don't think so, Bally's.

I may try their yoga class tonight. I've been wanting to, but I've been intimidated. I haven't done yoga formally in over a year, and I'm so out of shape. I don't want to make an ass of myself. But. I love yoga. Hrm. What to do.

Harry Potter = Punk Rock

Daniel Radcliffe--that's Harry Potter, you know--has an iTunes playlist. This link may or may not take you to it. Anyway, the point? He's got the Buzzcocks on it. Rock on, Harry Potter!

not quite, but funny anyway

not the pictures at the top...the post under them.

ohnotheydidnt: speaking of pete wentz...

God Bless America, again

Study: Few Americans Know 1st Amendment - Yahoo! News: "Only one in four Americans can name more than one of the five freedoms guaranteed by the First Amendment (freedom of speech, religion, press, assembly and petition for redress of grievances.) But more than half can name at least two members of the cartoon family, according to a survey."

That's the Simpsons they're talking about. Nice.